Think You’re a Workaholic?

READ THIS.

Written by Emma Nagle, LCSW | February 16, 2026

If you’ve ever told yourself…

“I just need to set better boundaries,” or, “Once this busy season ends, I’ll slow down,”

or even, “I don’t actually want to work this much, I just can’t seem to stop,” you’re not alone.

Here’s the part that often gets missed:

Overworking isn’t always about loving your job, being work obsessed, lacking discipline, or being “bad at balance.”

For many people, it’s a psychological strategy that once made a lot of sense.

Let’s talk about why.

When Work Becomes More Than Work

For some people, work slowly turns into the place where they feel safest, most competent, or most anchored. Not because work is inherently soothing, but because it’s predictable in a way relationships and emotions often aren’t. 

From a psychodynamic and attachment lens, this often shows up when love, safety, or approval felt conditional earlier in life. Conditional love doesn’t have to be explicit. There can be a subtle, but clear reinforcement of messaging that affection is earned through performance, rather than freely given. This messaging can also be conveyed when love or support is withdrawn as a result of mistakes.  

Many can learn that being capable, responsible, or impressive became the way to stay connected. It is a strong reinforcer when competence is rewarded more consistently than emotional needs are met.

In these environments, working hard isn’t just productive, it’s protective.

Work as Regulation and Protection

Many over-workers don’t realize that work is doing two important jobs at once.

First, it regulates the nervous system. The urgency, structure, and momentum of work can create a sense of focus or relief especially for people who struggle with unstructured time, rest, or emotional stillness.

Second, it protects against vulnerability.

Work becomes:

• A space where expectations feel clearer than relationships
  

• A way to avoid the discomfort of needing, wanting, or depending on others
  

• A reliable source of identity when the sense of self feels shaky or undefined
  

Seen from this lens, perfectionism isn’t about ambition, it’s about threat management.

“Why Can’t I Just Say No?”

Difficulty setting boundaries at work is often framed as an assertiveness issue. But underneath, it’s frequently driven by deeper fears, like:

• Fear of relational rupture or disappointment
  

• Fear of being exposed as inadequate or replaceable
  

• Fear that slowing down will uncover emptiness, anxiety, or distress
  

For many people, rest isn’t neutral. It’s activating and staying busy becomes the way to outrun what might surface otherwise. This is why overworking often continues even when someone wants to stop or is actively fantasizing about quitting, changing careers, or finally “doing things differently.” The Burnout Loop offers a deeper dive on the nervous system regulation aspects of overworking.

It’s Not Just One Thing

There are often multiple layers at play. Some people have personality traits that reinforce overworking, such as: high responsibility, rigid standards, harsh self-criticism and difficulty delegating or letting things be “good enough.”

Others may have neurodivergent tendencies that make work feel especially regulating, relying on external structure, clear rules, or completion to feel grounded.

An important early distinction is this:

Are you driven by fear of consequences if you slow down?

Or by a sense of relief and safety when things are controlled and complete?

That difference matters.

When Burnout Finally Shows Up

Burnout often isn’t a failure, it’s a signal… a warning sign. 

It tends to emerge when the body can no longer sustain a strategy that once worked. When sympathetic activation (that constant “on” mode) stops feeling motivating and starts feeling depleting.

If you notice impatience with yourself outside of work, difficulty resting without self-criticism, or guilt when you’re not “productive,” it may point to something deeper than stress alone.

So What Actually Helps?

Change doesn’t usually come from forcing better habits or shaming yourself into balance. It comes from understanding the function of overworking itself. Ask yourself:

What work has been doing for you?

What feels risky about slowing down?

What parts of you learned that productivity = safety or worth?

Only then does boundary-setting stop feeling like a threat or an avoidance, and start feeling possible and healing.

If any of this resonates, you’re not lacking in any way. You don’t just need to put in a few extra hours after your shift or a monthly “self-care” massage (read Real Self Care by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin for more guidance on that!) You adapted for survival. With the right support, you can learn new ways of feeling safe that don’t require burning yourself out to begin resting.