NOTES ON THERAPY
From bite-sized insights to deep dives on healing, NOTES ON THERAPY is where mind meets meaning.
As therapists, staying informed about mental health is essential. Sharing current research and raising awareness helps to reduce stigma and makes mental health support more accessible and relatable in everyday life. Check out the blog posts below for the latest in psychology and mental health.
Your Ego isn’t Your Enemy
In this post, we’ll explore how the ego shapes our identity, filters our experiences, and holds onto conditioned beliefs rooted in early life.
Written by Emma Nagle, LCSW | May 16, 2025
In this post, we’ll explore how the ego shapes our identity, filters our experiences, and holds onto conditioned beliefs rooted in early life. By understanding how the ego operates not as an enemy, but as a well-meaning protector, we can begin to loosen its grip and move toward a more authentic, grounded version of ourselves.
“As we expand our level of conscious awareness, we can see that we are not our ego stories…
Thoughts happen to us. They don’t mean anything about who we are.
They’re simply our ego attempting to defend our identity and protect us from pain.”
— Dr. Nicole LePera, How To Do The Work
Everyone has an ego. You can think of it as the part of you that helps manage everyday life. It’s not the same thing as your whole personality, it’s just one piece of it. The ego’s job is to balance your deeper urges with what’s realistic and socially acceptable. It helps you think through your actions and make choices that work in the real world.
The ego doesn’t just help us function in daily life. It also creates the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how the world works. A protective mechanism, safeguarding the conditioned beliefs and patterns we've developed over time. These conditioned responses often stem from early life experiences and societal influences, especially those tied to safety, love and belonging.
Because of this protective mechanism, the ego is key in understanding why you might keep yourself stuck.
Why does your ego create and maintain a hurtful story?
“A hurtful why will always be more appealing than an uncertain reality.”
-- Dr. Nicole LePera
Once we’ve formed stories about who we are, the ego filters incoming information to reinforce and reflect those beliefs. Our conditioned minds rely on “confirmed” beliefs as a way to keep consistency and certainty. The ego resists change to maintain a sense of safety and identity, even if these patterns no longer serve our well-being.
By becoming aware of this dynamic, we can begin to gently challenge and reprogram these ingrained patterns, leading to personal growth and a more authentic self. In other words, by breaking the cycle that keeps you stuck, you have the opportunity to learn the truth about who you really are.