Surfing the Urge

Cravings and big emotions can feel like overwhelming waves, but remember: you don’t have to drown in them. With urge surfing, you can ride through each swell with awareness, knowing it will pass.

Ready to learn how to stay steady when the wave hits? Let’s dive in.

Written by Emma Nagle, LCSW | April 23, 2025

“I am not afraid of storms,

for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

--  Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Urge surfing is a mindfulness technique that helps you manage unwanted behaviors by acknowledging and accepting urges without judging or acting on them.

Use the steps below as a guide to surfing the wave:

1. Identify the physical sensation of the urge

2. Visualize the urge as a wave that builds up, peaks, and then subsides

3. Observe the urge without fighting it

4. Ride out the urge until it passes...

Like real waves, urges rise and fall—they don’t last forever. The more you practice observing rather than reacting, the more your nervous system learns that you’re safe, even in discomfort. Urge surfing isn’t about willpower or resistance—it’s about building awareness, staying present, and trusting the temporary nature of emotional and physical impulses.

With time, urge surfing strengthens your ability to pause, reflect, and choose responses that align with your long-term values rather than short-term relief. For example, someone with an addiction might use this technique to sit with the discomfort of a drug craving—observing the urge without reacting or using, and instead, allowing it to pass. This practice not only helps prevent relapse, but also builds self-trust and reinforces the recovery process.

Each time you choose to ride the wave instead of reacting to it, you're practicing a new kind of resilience. Be patient and curious with yourself. Don’t judge your urges. Every urge you surf is a step toward greater self-regulation, freedom, and trust in your own inner stability.

How to Support a Loved One with Addiction

A CRAFT-Based Guide to Staying Connected Without Enabling

Written by Emma Nagle, LCSW | April 23, 2025

When someone you care about is struggling with substance use, it’s natural to feel helpless, scared, and unsure of what to do. You want to help—but you don’t want to enable. You want to set boundaries—but you don’t want to push them away. It’s a painful and confusing space to be in.

That’s where the CRAFT model comes in.

CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It’s a research-backed approach designed to help family members and close support systems learn how to effectively encourage a loved one toward treatment—without ultimatums, guilt-tripping, or cutting them off.

As a therapist, I’ve seen CRAFT empower families and partners with tools that are not only compassionate and practical—but actually work.

Here’s a guide of how it works:

1. Understand What You’re Dealing With

CRAFT starts by educating loved ones on what addiction is—not just a series of bad decisions, but a complicated behavioral pattern shaped by reward, habit, and pain systems in the brain.

Knowing this helps shift the mindset from:

“Why won’t they just stop?” to “What’s reinforcing this behavior, and how can we shift that?”

2. Notice What is Reinforcing the Substance Use

CRAFT teaches that people keep using substances because something about it “works” for them—whether it’s escaping stress, numbing pain, or just feeling normal for a moment. Their substance of choice should give insight into what they may be “treating” within themselves.

Your job isn’t to fix them—but to start recognizing how your responses might be (unintentionally) supporting the behavior.

Examples:

• Are you giving money when they’re short because they spent it on substances?

• Are you cleaning up their messes so they don’t face consequences?

This isn’t about blame—it’s about becoming more conscious of what’s keeping the cycle going.

3. Use Positive Reinforcement for Healthy Behavior

Here’s something refreshing: CRAFT isn’t about punishment. It’s about learning how to reinforce positive change, even in small doses.

Did they come home sober one night? Keep a therapy appointment? Go 24 hours without using?

Notice it.

Name it.

Appreciate it.

When you consistently reward healthier choices (with time, attention, calm conversation), you’re giving their brain a reason to keep trying.

4. Improve Communication Without Fighting

CRAFT encourages clear, kind, and assertive communication. That means less yelling, fewer power struggles, and no more walking on eggshells. Try using “I” statements and avoid blaming language. 

Instead of saying:

“You’re ruining your life!”

You might try:

“I care about you, and I get scared when I see how much you’re using. I’d love to talk when you’re ready.”

This approach respects both your boundaries and their autonomy—two things that are crucial when trying to keep connection without enabling.

5. Support Treatment—But Let It Be Their Choice

A major goal of CRAFT is helping loved ones be more likely to accept help—without being forced. CRAFT has been shown to be more effective than interventions that rely on confrontation or cutting people off.

You’re not trying to control their timeline. You’re helping create an environment where choosing help feels safe and supported. When they are ready to accept help, be ready to help. Have resources available or someone for your loved one to speak to further about their addiction.

final thoughts

Supporting someone through addiction is emotionally exhausting—but you don’t have to choose between doing everything and doing nothing.

CRAFT offers a third option: Stay connected. Set boundaries. Reinforce hope. All while taking care of yourself, too.

If you’re navigating this with someone you love, consider finding a therapist or support group to help ensure you are prioritizing your own emotional needs. Al Anon is one commonly sought out mutual aid resource for family and friends who have been affected by a loved one’s addiction. Support groups are a helpful reminder that you are not alone in this struggle. With the right tools, it is possible to make meaningful change—without losing your sanity, your compassion, or your connection.

Want a printable version of this guide? See below: